Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
