she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
