No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
