i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
