there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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