At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
