she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
