if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
