i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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