Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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