we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
