i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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