Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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