I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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