You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
