What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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