Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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