kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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