Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
