If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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