spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
