this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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