Small penises have feelings too.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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