So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
