I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
