you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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