Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
