so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
