My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
