I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
