he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
They took my balls.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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