Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
