The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
