Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
