His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
