Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
