if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
