why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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