Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
