And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
