the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
