I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
