She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Come on in and take your pants off
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