Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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