Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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