I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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