I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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