Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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