My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
