If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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