Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
