ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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