I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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