I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
