So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
there's paper in my vomit.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
