I'm sorry my penis didn't work
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
