Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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