he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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