he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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