its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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