His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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