Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
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He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
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I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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