If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
