Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
