What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
