Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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