my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
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how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
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I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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