I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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