I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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