Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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