Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
