So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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