Well apparently he's into motor boating.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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