He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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