Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
