I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
