Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
