I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
