Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
