just come out here and I will go home with you...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
